- Ya'd better watch out -- ya'd better not cry! Ya'd better not pout, I'm tellin' ya why -- Santa 'Bo is comin' to town!
- -- Lobo
Appearing in "The Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special"Edit
- Easter Bunny
- Kris "Crusher" Kringle (Apparent Death)
- Aurifice Thung (a harried wife)
- Ferryt Thung (her unemployed husband)
- Kong (a gorilla)
- Rudolph the Mutant Reindeer (Only appearance; dies)
- Space Dolphins (Cameo)
- Santa's Elves
- Lobo's hook and chain
Synopsis for "The Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special"Edit
Aurifice and Ferryt Thung, frustrated over the pressure of the holidays, receive a book in the mail called "The Lobo Xmas Sanction", detailing a story on how to adequately cope with the Christmas blues.
The following is the story revealed in the book
"Once upon a time. There was this really cool dude."Lobo and Dawg enter a drinking establishment to meet with a client. The client turns out to be a highly inebriated Easter Bunny who wants to put a contract hit out on Santa Claus for his perpetual upstaging of lesser holiday icons. Lobo joyously agrees to take the job and takes off for the North Pole.
He bursts into Santa's workshop guns blazing and begins massacring the elves. Some of the elves attempt to fight back against "the naughtiest one", but they are only armed with pop-guns. After turning the workshop into a bloody tableau, Lobo makes his way to the throne room of Kris "Crusher" Kringle. Santa is not the jolly, smiling old man personified in the traditions however. He is actually a merciless taskmaster armed with razor-sharp shivs and accompanied by a gorilla companion named Kong.
Lobo and Santa Claus go at it, and the fight is as messy as it is brutal. Ultimately, Lobo wins and decapitates Kris Kringle with one of his own shivs. After which, he walks outside and shoots Rudolph.
Lobo finds Santa's naughty/nice list and decides to spread his own brand of holiday cheer. He fills up Santa's sleigh with a-bombs then flies across the world dropping them down upon sleeping towns and villages.
- The cover to this issue contains two disclaimers. The first is located in the top left hand corner and reads, "Seriously suggested for mature readers". The second is on the bottom right hand corner and reads, "WARNING: Contains Bad Taste In The Form Of Ultra-Violence, Icon-Bashing, And "The Finger." More Offensive Than Christmas Usually Is. [sic]
- The canon of this issue is undetermined, even though Lobo has since made references to his battle with Santa Claus. The demeanor and apparent demise of Santa Claus is also cause for speculation, as he has never before or since been portrayed in such an unfavorable. Due to Santa's legendary iconic status, it is reasonable to assume that he survived his apparent beheading in this issue.
- The end of the issue includes a rendition of the holiday song "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer". The revised lyrics are:
- Rudolph the Mutant Reindeer
- Was very aptly named
- He had a fraggin' monstrous schnozzle
- Of which he was ashamed
- Then one starry xmas night,
- Lobo came to say --
- "Rudolph lead my sleigh tonight --
- Or I'll blow you away!"
Followed by Rudolph pleading: "No! Never! You're Naughty! Much too naughty!" followed by a gunshot and a loud thud.
- This storyline was adapted into a short film by Scott Leberecht in 2002, with a budget of $2,400, as part of the American Film Institute's director's studies program. Andrew Bryniarski (who also had a role in another DC Comics film, Batman Returns) stars as Lobo, with Tom Gibis as the Easter Bunny and Michael V. Allen as Santa Claus.
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- Cover gallery for the Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special series
Links and ReferencesEdit
- Lobo article at Wikipedia.org
- Lobo biography page at the Unofficial Guide to the DC Universe
- Lobo chronology index at the Unofficial Guide to the DC Universe
- Lobo (Volume 2) series index at the Grand Comics Database
- Lobo (Volume 2) series index at the Unofficial Guide to the DC Universe